5 WAYS TO FIX MAN UTD! #1: Try playing with an actual striker! We could try playing with an actual striker… What? But we don’t have any actual strikers… What? I guess we could try and get Lukaku back… No! This is the striker you’re looking for. This is the striker we’re looking for. I’d rather have Carlos Vela. Now that might actually fix things! #2: The Frank Lampard Technique – aka selling your worst players to your biggest rivals. Hey Pep.
How would you like these star players for free! Hey Jurgen,
I have a gift for you, these world class United players… for free! “World class”?. They wouldn’t get on our bench! In the reserve games! BOOM! Let’s go, guys. But if you’re giving players away for free, I’ll gladly take Daniel James off your hands. And I will take Harry Maguire! Christ, given Otamendi’s recent performances, I’ll take Phil Jones too! No! let’s go lads! Unai Emery will buy you. Jurgen, it truly pains me to have to say this, but… how much for Dejan Lovren? #3: Solve the injury crisis! How the bloody hell am I supposed to solve the injury crisis? Easy! If you can’t fix your own players’ injuries… you cause your opponents players’ some injuries! Leave this to me! Here’s Roy! Good luck today versus United! Take that you lanky langer! Who do you think I am? The referee you had vs. Newcastle! I’m not falling for that you cheating flute! But I’m already injured for this game! Well now you’re injured for the game at Anfield too! Run away! My calf! Don’t worry, we’ve still got Adrian! No! Good luck with that! Adrian is headless corpse will still probably save more than De Gea… BOOM! Next stop Norwich! It’s okay boss, I’m fit at lea– My thigh! Goddamn you, Naby. I think your muscles are made out of candy floss. #4: Go all Game of Thrones! There’s no way I’m getting freaky with my sister! What? No! Don’t go that Game of Thrones! I meant start plotting to take control of the throne from Ed Woodward and the Glazers! Oh! I’m with you now… To the states! And never come back! And if all else fails, Man United could always do, when Man United Always do: sack the manager. Unlucky Ole. Another second rate manager sacked by United. Second rate? The only thing second-rate about me as United boss was finishing in second place! A miracle! Jose, would you mind if I drove? No way! We’ve all seen what happens when you take over from me at the wheel! Ole’s at the wheel…
Tell me how bad does it feel… We signed Slabhead, Bissaka and James, Flames!
And we still cannot win any games… Hasn’t got a clue clue clue! What?