Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies my name is jacksepticeye
and welcome back to HAAAAPY WHEEEEELS! You all take your energy pills today? No? Well, that’s fine because I will be your energy pill today. I will beam energy through the screen at you and just suck it all in with your eyeballs. Quickest way to get it into your bloodstream. We have to steal a jewel. This is Steal
the Jewel hard what we have to do, rate 5 to unlock. OWW! oh I get- these are lasers Ooo! I’m pinned! AH! I’m still pinned, but I’m alive! AHH! Now I’m fucking stuck in this thing! Now I’m
sittin’ in this chair! FUCK IT! Ok. I’m not rating 5 to unlock your bullshit. Ah! But I would like to get a harpoon out of my chest WOOSH!!! FRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPP Um? Can I cheat the system? Can I do this? Can I- Can I- Ah! Come on! I’m through the laser. You don’t wanna hit me? AHAHAHA! Dodged the first one and then fucked on the second one. Ooookay. Heh! Just- (evil laughter) there’s pieces of me all over the screen BUH! WOO, MAMA! ok so that one doesn’t BEH! BUH! BUH! BUH! BUBUH! WAH! he could fall through them they
don’t trigger instantly. oh God! Test it. Tes- so so so bad God why are you so fast now, oh God
fucking- woh! deb woh! Ok we just- fuck We just do a lil- shite we just fucking – FUCK! (another evil laugh) Don’t mind me guys I’m just going to chill out here My good ol’ friend, harpooned my chin AH! hahahah How in the FUCK! Do I do this I know I can rate 5 and unlock that thing But if I have to rate 5 to beat your level It’s a bullshit level, it shouldn’t be – it
shouldn’t be in the fucking thing then This is silly WOH! Woah yeah! Oh watch this
I’ma beat your fucking level without rating shit! Woah NO! Fucking- NAH! Would You Rather #2 Okay, here we go. I like these ones.
“Would you rather eat rice for the rest of your life “or drink gatorade for the rest of your life?” RICE! At least there’s some sort of fucking
nutritional value in that Why what you want gatorade for the rest of your life
that doesn’t even taste that good going in the first time. “Have the ability to
time travel – have the ability to fly”? Time travel – that would be so much fucking fun I can go back into the past and say “Hey, young Jack, stop being such a little fuck boy “and actually get shit done!” “Use only a flip phone as your electronic or use only a 1980s computer” I could live with a flip phone but I could not live with a piece of shit computer from the 80s Oh! why? “Save Muhammad Ali or save Tupac” Oh come on! Neither of these are good!
Both of those guys are awesome One of them, the best boxers of all time.
Another one one of the best rappers of all time. I mean – [sigh] Tupac died ’cause he was murdered Muhammed Ali died because of outside influences like old age and – I think he had Parkinson’s didn’t he? I don’t know! Um- Tupac Because Muhammed Ali was older when he died, so he lived a fuller life? He was still quite young when he died. That was a bad one. I’m not reasoning out that one ‘cuz I’m wrong no matter what I pick. “Live in Antarctica for 5 years
or live in Africa for a year” Ah – Africa for a year, because Antarctica is freezing as all fuck and that’s 5 years plus Africa is a very nice place I see everyone thinks Africa and they think 3rd world, but there’s some parts of Africa that are actually quite developed and quite awesome. Like, uh! I dunno You guys are bad for tryi – NO! “Play only Happy Wheels forever
or play Slither.io forever?” Play Happy Wheels forever because I already have been playing Happy Wheels forever. Hahahah That was 50/50 WOW! “Start a new life as a Pokemon Trainer?
Start a new life as a Superhero?” I want the superhero. I want the superhero – especially if I can be “el spider man” – break the fucking thing There we go. I want to be a superhero.
I want to be a superhero so bad. “Rate 5 for Would You Rather 3
Rate 5?” ( Dat look tho! XD ) I’m just gonna do this one
’cause I want – oh! Ok! can’t go back, I can’t go back, this is the only way forward is this so I’m just going to pick this one ‘Cause fuck you and your “rate 5”
I hate when people tell you to rate their levels 5! 1% Hahahaah I am the 1% Kitten Cannon? “Press space to start.
Aim up – dow – aim down” Ok, I press space to start.
Okay, how do I shoot? Oh – oh my God NO! OH NO!
Oh why – why little kitten Oh God! It’s like one of those – toss games
Like Toss the Turtle or Angry Grandma or whatever There’s a bunch of them, then you get
upgrades as you go along – can I jump? I can’t do anything YEAH! Awesome
Oh the poor kittens! I wanna try that again I wanna aim the kitten down this time
but I have to click into this bullshit – aim down Oh I can’t aim down any further ok Farewell kitten!
You will do us proud! FIRE THE CANNON! BOOM!
Go Mr. Kitten – he’s so sad as well [human voice moaning in pain] I’m sorry. Why did you have Willy’s voice? “My leeegggg” “Learn how to fly”
I’ve always wanted to learn how to fly I’ve always wanted to be able to fly, so please teach me the ways. “Press Z and then press up to fly forward” I’m flyyying! I’m doing this! [chuckle] Oh God- now dodge the objects- what? How can I dodge? You just told me how to go up and flip. OH! OW! That’s impossible. If I just stay still he flies on his own How the fuck do I have any control over this?
I fucking – I don’t! (Jack howling)
God! GO! GO! YEAH! holy shit AHH! Go away, go away
Oh no, no, NO! OH MY GOD! I’m a fucking wizard! HA! I dodged everything on my second try PRAISE! “This is the Harpoon Master. There are 5 stages you have to complete. Click here to start.” I believe I’m the master of everything after that last level. Ok. I’m just in a white space. I’m in oblivion there’s nothing here my grandma I can do this- ok OH!
it’s this kind of dodge I get it, oh God!
Stage 2- also easy I can do this okay Imma go back
here this is this is a good place- good place
right here I fucking told ya Dodgin’ everything like a bawss!
Stages 4 – hard Oh nothing is hard – if you believe in yourself ♪ Believe it or not
I’m walking on air ♪ Oh no oh no oh fuck it!
Oh man! “Click here to unlock the finish.” Go segway! Be better than me. Ok let’s try that again. I can do it this time because I know where the harpoon’s gonna be all I have to do is stay in this sort of region down here and I can do anything that I said that I ever wanna do Are we gonna start?
K final the stage- final stage it was somewhere here wasn’t it dodge dodge dodge
dodge dodge dodge dodge! DODGE charger YES!
Click here to unlock the finish Give me my sweet cake please [game plays victory jingle] ♪ Lot-a-da! ♪ You know that song actually says if you if you put that into a music to word translator that song would say ♪ Jackie boy! ♪ Not really but I want to feel good ’bout myself Mystery Ball Throw!
Is the mystery- what’s in the things or is the mystery
what balls I’m throwing I believe that one was from my ball Yes unlock win would be helped
if I knew where win was that’s another unlock went there we go that’s – what? those are just reloads ah fuck! Am I gettin’ those balls back? You better give me those bull testicles back I need them. Yes! Is that win? Heavy balls? oh God- why
Why to the unlock win always Ultimate Level unlocked
Ohh- interesting OHH! I prefer this way more than the
fucking balls YES! Are we stuck?
oh we were stuck all the time This looks like Vib-Ribbon
Ever played that game? oh my God! All the way Steve YEAH! you only lost two arms,
the spleen and a kidney That’s a success in my book.
Ow-wow! One man- and his bastard child
Will overcome the forces of evil-
The bottles and we will triumph over everyone GOOOHHH!
fuck my ass There we go- use those quads
Use those qua- BILLY! Are you ok? Nice- now we’re in the trash
where we belong The bottles have risen up
The bottles have risen back And wanna kill me- this level’s for Slogoman
and I’m not him but I’ma do it anyway Giant bottles GO!
Oh God, this is not work This is not work well
GO! GO! Fuck! the way to do this is to barely
even touch the bottles is that I fu- I fu- AAHHHH!!! What go go go GO! all the way to the end OH YES! That was indeed a huge bottle run
What’s that Billy? you’re missing your head haha oh you! This level is called JUST – DO IT!!! DO IT JUST DO IT!!! Don’t let your memes be memes
Let your dreams share whatever you wanna face and- GO! That did not launch me the right way
Well death is inevitable now ♪ Hello harpoons my old friend ♪ And- GO! °o° Hahahha! My head just came along later like “Hey guys!
What’s goin’ on, what you guys up to” and- boom FFPPPF And hit the fucking thing HIT IT! WOAHO Ahh! Fuck GO! HA! GO! HA! Some part of me made it, some part- some say
that that part of me still going- farewell! BURSK! NO! That are not a bursk!
Huh- do the fucking mumbo jumbo come on do it Wheeeeee! I’m still alive somehow if I can get out
of this- if I can get out of the harpoon stuck in my sternum I can go on to be the president of fuckville
like I’ve always wanted to be I’m not kiddin’, I’ll go anywhere Oh! OW! That was awesome, they were hitting the pogo and not me That was cool, I want to do that again SO CLOSE!
I can do it I can do it just believe Is it doing it? GO! Can you trigger- oh yeah baby
Oh- GO GO GO! yeh yeah yea! ♪ GO! ♪ (high pitched)
♪ GO! ♪ YEAH! There’s fucking more! YES! YES! YES! Hehhehahahah! Stuck into the ground and the
pogo just comes up and goes but PPFFFT! Hehahah! There’s a method to this
there’s a way of doing this YES! That was it! I — that wasn’t even the thing I thought was gonna happen but I’m very glad that it did I’m the best- woh!
[off-camera] shut up I am! This is an Impossible level? But it da- oh!
HI! HI! Can I- can I trick these- oh the trickster
The trickster Jackaboy I’m gonna fall off the fucking edge
if I’m not careful Get it- get trigger trigger them trigger
them- ah fuck! ok I guess I’m just gonna have to a HA! I did it! Fuck! Over the fuc- ik! I’m alive! I’m alive!
Ah! come on! Over the hills and far away
Jackaboy comes to play Hehahahah! I’m sitting down
I’m doing my squats- never skip leg day This is- this is analogous to my life by now curl up in a ball with a harpoon up me hole Oh – oh – oh – yes! that’s in me crotchicles but I’m still alive! I can do this! don’t let anything hold you back not a
harpoon in your ass not a harpoon in your tits
you need arms though to hold on to it HA! That wasn’t even close Do a backflip then- do it
Do a flip! PPFT! Yeah yeah! There’s only one harpoon left No- Yes yes yeah! don’t fall into them
don’t fall into them do- Oh God!
I thought you got stuck- huh! Yes yes! why I don’t have my win yet? Give it to me! (cracked voice)
Woah hoh hoh! Oh that’s sounds awesome it sounds like you’re
going “woah woah hoh” Hehahah! Welcome to Spike Bottle Run 2
I didn’t know who to pick Steve or Billy Bobby
because um- spike some bottles together Ste- Steve can do it though
Steve is the man about town- look at this shit look at his majestic oohh! MIGHTY EAGLE! Yeah Steve! ♪ You’re the best ♪ ♪ around! ♪ Just go just go make it-
♪ making your way downtown segway fast ♪ ♫ Then I fucked ♫
Oww! (A Thousand Miles plays)
♫ Ba-da-da-da-da ♫ Yes yes YES! OH YES! And your legs are broken WHATT!
You don’t need them though because you win
What a victory goes- oh! three wins really Steve STEVE! Retro Donkey Kong I gonna play as a Mario Except I have P on my head for Pete- for Pogo Pete You can do this Pogo Pete
I berieve in you We have to get up- nice nice hat
there Pete We have to get up over this Oh oh oh!
Mother of God! oh Jesus! We have to get out over that- why can’t I restart level what happen- there we go we have to get over all of these and get to Donkey Kong and kill his big monkey butt But this is annoying to have to wait for the fucking level to start every single time I hate when levels do that Just start the level this game is all about rinse and repeat re- Re-Pogo Pete ok stay here and then up and over – yes! And backflip God how do I get back?
no no no NO NO! NO! FUCK IT! A Swing Spike Fall– I didn’t even have
time to introduce the level Ok you swing See the secrets to do this- the secret is to fuck it up secrets the swing out- yep yep yep NOT LIKE THAT!
you swing out and then you swing back Get all the coins
Oh no- oh that was a bad swingy woody Ok coins coins fir- ah! I fucking did it again Coins for days- Ah! my booty- come on I’m
so close to whatever fucking- oh no! I’m so close to it every time you got it Slink up and then- ehahahha! slink up and then not slink and then fall- ahh!
I know how to do it I just can’t – nuts – not it because if you- there we go that might work
NOPE! if you don’t slinky-dink then you’re rinky-tink
OHHH! that should count Not only do you have a sexy pose going
on my face is an a- I was going to say my face- my face is a dick away from the finish line. haha! Yes yes- pfft!
That’s the one Pete- your name Steve that’s why you died right at the end he died right the end because I called him Pete been playing too many levels as Pete
that’s why I forgetting that my origins lie with Steve Taste that ground Steve- gobble it up!
Have a 4-course meal of that victory platform because you’re not seeing
anything else for a while Hold space to start
this one is called The Looney Leapers I think-
The Looney Leapers Yes! So I’m very much looking forward to seein’ what this is- “Orangesock presents” damn this is a full-on production!
“The Looney leapers” ♪ slap dat baralara lap ba dap ♪ It has to be something
like some sort of quirky music “The bridge has collapsed! You must select the right character to jump to the other side” That…
[in-game] Ho! Ho! Ho! That would be a Santer Clawwse
Hold space to jump- press space to jump I press space AH NO! okay so we got to pick someone else retrying with a different character This is Awesome! Hold space to start- okay I get it I get it
fuck’s sake it’s slow as all balls though and I have to get – Ok- she’s gonna do it she’s small she’s
young she spry she’s going to be the best watch this Go go little lovey girl go! ♪ tat ta taat taa ♪ ♪ tat ta taat taa
taa taaaaaa ♪ ♪ tat ta taat taa ♪ You made it! is there another level to do?
“Thank you for playing my level.” Ohh man! I thought it’d be like a bunch of
them and had to keep picking the right character please make more like that. Please make more levels like that, or just make one long level we have to like pick different characters each time and you can pick the wrong one at the next oh that was fun The hell is an Octo-Trap?
Welcome to the Octo-trap use the arrow keys to rotate the Octagon oh I know what this is. “Press space to
begin.” I’m fucking hammering that space bro can I can I – oh oh we’re actually
doing this already Wait! Oh I have to get the fucking dot through ? I had to get – I thought i had to get myself through oh shit this is going to be hard ’cause there’s momentum to it And the dot doesn’t drop! Oh shit. Ok go all the way around go all the way around you got it you got
it you got it slow slow down now slow it on down now – you’re going here no no no where you going? Here we go here we go yes! I got this time I got this time. Wait till you see – wait and see, he’s got to get a small bit of momentum going on it Get a small bit of momentum going on it
and then I can turn it back. Here we go here we go there’s the turning point there’s the turning point.
Go, go little dot, go, go! Yes! YEAAH BABY!
[cracked voice] Wow! Umm! WOAH! There we go ok this should be easier
maybe I don’t know shut up ehm go go little dot- go please oh God it’s actually harder there’s more
weight going on oh God oh God I have to turn it a lot I have to turn it a lot no no no go go!
You fucking dot can you go please – just go! just fucking gooo! yes YEAH! That was fun as fuck- oh! And that does it for this Happy Wheels episode That those last two levels were super fun I’m really glad to see some more diversity going on that people take up these new levels or take up bigger ideas for levels and it’s not just the same repetition all over again and I do know that they took out the naked girl glitch levels recently there was actually an update to the game, and they tweeted out about it saying that all those levels are now gone, or they made a forum post or something like that where they updated the game and all those levels gone, so – step in the right direction I’m sad that it came so late in the series, but it’s a really great step in the right direction for people who love playing Happy Wheels all the time, and I-I really love the bigger production levels. I know they’re harder to make but, good job! Anyway Thank you guys so much for watching this episode If you liked it
punch that like button in the face LIKE A BOSS and high-fives all around [high fives] But thank you guys and I will see all you dudes in the next video! (outro) ♪ I am hungry it’s not good ♪ ♪ I am hungry for some food ♪ It spelled the same way as good
but it’s pronounce differently That’s the joke!