Step 3: Trust in God – Sharon’s Story about Crystal Meth Addiction Recovery

When I was 35 years old,
I just had the feeling like I’d rather
be dead than fat. At 136 pounds, I
thought that I was fat. So I was dealing
with this obsession, doing different things. You know, the bulimia,
the diet pills. And I just would do
anything not to be fat. I got a friend who was
doing crystal meth, and I asked for one little,
small little Baggie. “I don’t want to
do it to get high. I just want to do it so
that if I just take enough, it would suppress my appetite. And that’s all I want–just to
lose 10 pounds so I could be in my 120s again.” I became very quickly addicted,
within a matter of two weeks. Ice addicts have a term,
and they call it the chase. It’s every minute of your waking
day, you’re chasing the drug. One night I think my husband
was just kind of fed up with everything. He was going to leave me. As the addiction
progressed, I’d wake up and I’d say, “Am I going to live
or am I going to die today?” So I took about 20
muscle relaxers, and I drank a whole
bottle of tequila and ended up in
the emergency room. I knew I had to do
something or I was going to lose literally everything. When the therapist
said to me, “Any kind of recovery or any
recovery program is based upon faith in a
higher power or faith in God,” I was very angry. I was angry with God
because of all the things that had happened to me as
a child and all the things that I wanted Him to
fix that He didn’t fix. Back in the day, it
was called discipline. So I was angry with Him. So angry. Any addict knows that
there are other issues that fuel your addiction. Then I got a phone
call from a relative, and he said, “Auntie,
I just wanted to let you know that the Church
has an addiction recovery program.” Grudgingly, I told God, “OK,
I’m going to do it Your way. And if it doesn’t work out,
then You cannot blame me, because this is my one
last shot with You.” And so as we went through the
steps, that number 3 came up. And it was trust in God,
turning your will over to God. “OK, so now You’re telling
me the same old thing. I’ve got to do things Your way.” I couldn’t see it. The real help came one
day when I read an article from the Ensign, a
spiritual magazine that I said I was
never going to read. And in this article, he
talked about Lot’s wife. Lot and his family, of course,
were asked to leave the city. It was going to be destroyed. And they were cautioned,
“While you’re leaving the city, don’t look back.” And we all know that Lot’s
wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. Why did this happen to her? Why was she turned into a pillar
of salt just for looking back? And he said it wasn’t so much
that she was looking back. It was because she
looked back with longing, that she looked back
yearning for the things that she had left in
Sodom and Gomorrah. Her heart was still there. When I read those words,
I said, “I am Lot’s wife.” You know? “I’m her, looking back and
longing for things that are not there–looking back for a
life that if I stayed in it, I would be destroyed.” In my mind, step 3 is all about
trusting God and realizing that the Creator of this universe
cannot only help you recover, but He can literally provide
a different life for you, a new heart for you. [MUSIC PLAYING]

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